It's Supposed to Be Just Hair....

I've been trying to drum up a natural hair post for a few days because I have done one in a while. Well, I got my inspiration.

There was a YouTube video posted on CurlyNikki.com's forums by one of the members. It seems like the person that posted the video wasn't very fond of it's content. Well, I watched it. All eight minutes of it. In the video, a young girl was expressing her disdain for the "natural hair obsession". She used to make tutorial videos and decided to quit because she felt like going natural had become a fad and some people were being a bit extra. After getting past the condescending tone of the video and other annoyances, I thought about what I had watched and concluded that the Youtuber had a valid point.

 

I hate to break it to you my natural hair'd ladies but sometimes, it's too much. I think a lot of us are becoming the same thing we claim to despise. Don't believe me? Let me break it down...

I big chopped two months ago. During my first month of naturalness, I acted a straight fool. I admit it. Every tweet had the #naturalhair hashtag attached to it. I couldn't stop talking about my hair. Well, people started to think I was talking too much and bitchassness ensued. Consequently, I stopped tweeting about it for a minute out of stubbornness and I eventually deleted that Twitter all together. Well, I'm on my second account and I still don't tweet about natural hair as much. Why? I'm over the hype. Everything that was exciting to me is boring to me now. With the exception of a few blogs and a radio/TV show, no one never says anything new to me. It seems like everyone thinks the same and talks the same. Anyone that doesn't say something positive gets attacked. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't like when people talk crap about naturals either but must we go on a war path every time someone says something stupid? Also, I grew tired of the constant snarky remarks made towards women with unnatural hair and said women posting blog posts defending their hair. Naturals, I get that you love your hair, but you can express that love without being bitchy towards "weavies" and "permies". It's not cute. It's divisive and counterproductive. I get that some of them talk crap about our hair but you don't have to stoop to that level and vice versa for my permed and weaved sisters. You shouldn't feel like you have to defend your hair or your Blackness because a few natural snobs. To tell the truth, most of us don't give a damn about your hair anyway. Having natural hair doesn't give someone a V.I.P. Black card. I get it, you're excited. I was too. But keep the snark at a minimum.

I apologize if this post isn't that organized. I was doing a bit of rambling. If I need to elaborate, I will later. Just let me know.

Tell me what you think. Drop a comment.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Editor's Note: EAC has a new commenting system test it out and let me know what you think!

To My Baby Girl...

Dear Daughter,

I wrote a letter to your brother yesterday and now it's your turn.

Ever since I could remember, I've always wanted a little girl. I grew up in a house full of women and that made me want raise a woman of my own.

I can't wait to be able to dress you up and put ribbons around your little afro puffs. I want to be by your side as your prom date slips a corsage on your wrist and to see your daddy walk you down the aisle.

I understand that none of this may happen and you could end up being the complete opposite of your girly mama and that is okay. Can't fault me for hoping! I will love you either way.

I am also fully aware that girls, especially Black girls, can be a bit attitudinal, especially during the teenage years. I was a moody teenager and two of your aunties are teenagers right now, so I am fully prepare to handle your little attitude. I might have to dish out some very tough love but you'll benefit and grow from it. I promise.

My biggest wish is that you grow up to be a confident, intelligent and strong woman. I know how hard it is to grow up as a Black girl in America. You will be constantly bombarded with images of how society believe you should look, dress and act. But I am confident that you will be able to look past all of that and be able to love yourself. You will get all of the validation that you need from home anyway. I will make sure that a day doesn't go by without mama telling you how beautiful and special you are. I want you to appreciate the color of your skin whether it's caramel, mocha or deep chocolate. I want you to love the kinks, coils and curls of your crown. I want you to love everything about you because I will.

I will also make sure your daddy is in your life so you will know what it feels like to have a man love you unconditionally. The first man I ever loved was my daddy and the first man you will ever love will be your daddy. Daddy sets the precedent for the type of man you chose. I'm going to pick wisely so you will be able to pick wisely. That is my personal mission.

I want you to be able to walk around with your head held high. You are just as important as any man walking this Earth. Never let anyone call you anything other than the name that I will give you. You are no one's bitch, hoe or Barbie. You are a princess that will grow up to be a queen. A pretty little girl that will grow up to be a beautiful young woman. Don't let anyone try to convince you of anything different. You are precious.

Now, I'm about to tell the same thing I told your brother. I would love for you to bring a Black man home, but if your heart belongs with a person of different race or the same gender, I will still love you. My love for you is unconditional. All I ask is that you end up with someone that will love you and grow with you. Don't date or even look at anyone that tries to bring you down instead of growing with you. You deserve so much better than that.

I have so many hopes and dreams for you. I'm not going to push you to be a doctor or try to tell you how live your life. I just want you to be happy and successful. I want you to show people what you are capable. The sky is the limit. I only want the best for you. I love you that much.

Love,

Mommy

To My Little Man....

Dear Son,

I used to swear up and down that I didn't want a little boy.

I thought they were too rough. Too dirty. Too rowdy. Too male.

I thought I would be a better role model for a little girl and I had nothing to offer a son. There are plenty of people that share this sentiment. Evidently, society believes mothers are just supposed to give hugs and kiss boo boos. I think I have a lot more to offer to you than a stereotype.

Mothers create their sons' images of women. I want you be able to look at your mama and the other women that will be in your life and know the media is wrong. I want you to be able to look at a Black woman and see your sister instead of a "bitch" or a "ho". I want you to see the beauty in Black women. I want you to see the beauty in our kinks and coils and our chocolate skin. Your image of Black women will not be an ass in a camera. You're entitled to like what you like but my wish is that you're not so blinded by a woman's booty that you won't take the time to seek a woman that can stimulate you mentally as well as physically.

I would love for you to bring a Black woman home but if you find yourself loving someone different, Mama will still love you. My love for you is unconditional. Just don't lose sight of yourself and the values you will be raised with. I have a lot of hopes for you but you have to live your own life. I can't chose your mate, career or anything else that creates your adult life for you.

Also, from growing up around your knuckled headed uncle and a bunch of other males, I know how much of a handful boys can be. Mommy believes in the art of the ass whoopin' so don't start none, won't be none (lol).  All I ask is that you don't just on my furniture, break all of my stuff or set anything or anyone on fire. In exchange, I won't do much whoopin' and I won't make you wear a sweater vest. I promise.

Black men are and have always been under attack in this country. That fact is another reason I had been reluctant to have a boy. My wish for you is that I raise a man that will be equipped to deal with the challenges he faces in this country. I want you to be conscious and intelligent enough not to become a statistic. I believe in your potential and I don't want it to be squandered. I don't want you to be at the opposite end of a policeman's gun or in someone's prison.  That brings me to my next point...

I will make sure your daddy is in your life. Hopefully, if the Creator sees fit, you will grow from a boy to a man and you need a male example in your life. Men and women are different and although I am sure that I will teach you everything I can, there are some spaces that your daddy needs to fill in. Male role models are nice but no one compares to having your dad around. Believe me, I know. Hopefully, your father and I will be married and stay married. I want you to grow up within a tight-knit family. I want you to feel loved. You will have plenty of aunties around to spoil you along with your grandmother.

 Your grandfather died before you were able to meet him, but I will tell you everything I know about him. Thankfully, your grandmother is still alive so she will fill you in on anything I left out and spoil you to pieces. Just don't cross her because she believes in the art of the ass whoopin' as well. There are so many things I want to tell you but this letter will have to suffice until mama gets over her chronic writers block. Even though I don't know your name, I love you very much.

Love,
Mommy

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Editor's Note: Stay Tuned for Part II, A Letter to My Future Daughter on Tuesday.  Hope you enjoyed this uncharacteristic display of mushiness. It took me forever to write this letter. I hope my son, if I have one, will be able to see this one day. And no, I will NOT be having ANY babies anytime soon. 

Drop a comment and tell me what you thought.

It's A...Baby!

I have toyed with the idea of having kids for a while. One minute I would want them, the next, I didn't. I've settled for just saying I won't have them for a while (knocks on wood). As I've gotten older, my ideas about having kids has shifted from whether or not I want them to which gender I'd prefer to parent.

When I first starting thinking about that I swore up and down that I wanted just a little girl and no boys. I grew up in a house full of women, I'm a bit of a priss and I would love to have a mini me walking around for me to dress up and indoctrinate with my views. After all, there can never be too many little nappy headed, feminist prisses in this work.

Although I would love to have a little girl one day, I don't think I'd have a problem with having a little boy either. As of right now, one of each would be ideal. I wouldn't mind watching him throw a football with his daddy or having him worship the ground I walk on because I'm his mama. Either way, I'd be cool. Sadly, the same cannot be said of a lot of other people.

I've countless conversations with people during which they stated their preference for one gender while putting down the other using a bunch of tired ass stereotypes. Girls have been called too high maintenance, too expensive, too emotional and etc. Boys have been referred to as too rough, too messy, to mischievious and etc. I have always had a strong disdain for stereotypes and part of the reason I blog is to enlighten people, so I've decided to write a letter/post (don't know which yet) to both my future son and my future daughter and explain why I wouldn't mind being a mother to either gender. Stay tuned and look out for both!

What do you think? Which gender would you prefer? Boy, Girl or Both? Drop a comment.

I Am My Sister's Keeper

There have been many stereotypes of Black women floating around for decades and one of the most notorious ones has been the idea that we don't get along. Sadly, there have been many instances in which I questioned whether or not this stereotype can be taken with a grain of salt. I have seen Black women fight each other over men, rumors, material items and a lot of other issues. Yesterday, I saw a petty high school beef almost erupt into a brawl and every participant was a Black woman.


 I watched a YouTube video in which the ladies behind Natural Hair Tuesdays discussed the camaraderie (or lack of) between women with natural hair. One of the ladies had an experience with another woman in which the other lady mean mugged her for no apparent reason. If I had a nickel for every time another woman gave me a look of contempt for no reason, I wouldn't be so mad at my college for not giving me my refund. I'm sure many other women can say the same. I don't get it. 


Have we been conditioned to hate each other? 


Is it insecurity?


I don't know what it is but I don't like it. There are enough people in this world that try to demonize Black women from the media to men. We shouldn't be contributing to the problem. We need to love and embrace each other. After all, we've gone through so much since our ancestors step foot on this land. We've been beaten, raped, disrespected and dehumanized by this nation. We are constantly seen as too loud, too independent, too mean, too ugly and a bunch of other toos. If anything, we need to be mean mugging the media for depicting us as a group of herpes infested battle axes that will die alone. We need to mean mug the many Black men that use the same stereotypes to disrespect and disown us.


There is a lot of mean mugging that needs to be done and it doesn't need to be done at the sister that hasn't harmed you in away. I don't know about you but if I see another sister with cute hair, shoes or ensemble, I have no problem complimenting her. If you see girl with cute shoes, tell her so instead of scrunching up your face and thinking "she aint that cute".  I have no problem with smiling at or greeting another woman as she goes about her day. Instead of a frown, give another woman a grin or even a smile. It could make her day. The little things matter.


Ladies, stop saying "I don't like females" or anything similar. It's alright to have a discerning eye and it's okay to be weary of the people you let into your inner circle. But you don't have to shut someone out or be bitchy because the person just happens to share the same number of chromosomes as you do. You don't see men walking side-eying each other for no apparent reason. Hell, men can be beating the hell out of each other one minute and be best friends the next. Maybe we can learn something from them.


What do you think? Leave a comment.

Put a ring on it....or not.

Everyday, I sit around and peruse the blogs that I frequent, similar to how people look at the daily paper every morning. Every now and then, I'll read something that evokes a reaction and inspires me to twitter/FB rant or blog. This post is a result of the latter. I was just reading a post at BlackAndMarriedWithKids.Com about a writer's thoughts about a man who decided to give his new fiancee bracelet instead of an engagement ring. The reasoning behind the gesture was money that would have been spent on the ring would go to the couple's home. 

The concept intrigued me. After all, I've been critical of the bells and whistles that come with getting married but when I thought about it, I wasn't sure I would forgo getting a ring. Black love is constantly under attack and I am quick to promote anything that shows Black Love in a positive light. An engagement ring shows that a woman is almost officially off the market. An engagement ring on a Black woman shows that she has a higher chance of not becoming another statistic or stereotype. So, would I want a ring? Yes. But I don't need a big as shiny rock or something that is worth a mortgage or paycheck. A small, simple ring will do. Hell, I just want my wedding ring to be a simple gold band anyway. No bells, no whistles. Just simplicity.

What do you think? Would you consider forgoing a ring? Would you mind just having a small inexpensive ring? Drop a comment.

That Sh*t Aint Cute!

I concur Mr. President. 

As I type this, there is a block party going on outside of my house. I was taking part in the festivities until about an half hour ago. I could go into some convoluted explanation about why I'm in the house but I can sum it up in one statement: I couldn't take the twerkin'. Normally, twerkin' doesn't bother me, after all, I'm 20 years old and I've frequented a few clubs with my peers. But, the people twerkin' were not my peers, they were children. None of these girls looked any older than 10 but they were shakin', splittin' and droppin' all over the place. It was a pedophile's dream and it drove me crazy. I am passionate about uplifting my community, especially other women, so I could not condone that behavior. I didn't stand there and clap saying "Go __" nor did I encourage them by smiling and suggesting more lewd dance moves they could try. These little girls shook and shimmied to every song that came on and were lost when people stopped them from dancing like strippers. I don't blame them though, I blame their parents, guardians and any older person that has any influence in their lives. I blame our community for letting our children be bombarded by these messages and letting our little girls think it's okay for them to act like streetwalkers.

There are people that may think that I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill but, those same people will fussing and crying when their little girl grows up and think the only power they have lies in their p*ssy. They will be wondering what went wrong when they're daughters become statistics. We need to raise our girls to know that their self-worth doesn't just lie with their bodies. They should know that it doesn't take the pop of an ass or lick of a pair of lips to look cute, pretty or even sexy. Our boys should be able to look at their female counterparts and see queens and princesses rather than bitches, hoes and hood rats. Bottom line, we need to do better.

If I seem like I am rambling, I apologize. I had to get this off of my chest. This probably will not be my last post on this subject, so expect a more organized post in the future.